Back at it..

I had a pretty hard time a few months ago.

I started feeling like I wasn't good enough, my writing, my posts, everything. I didn't feel like I had a right to be posting anything on the internet because I wasn't good enough. So I hit a wall. Metaphorically of course. I must have had around 20 or so posts written and ready to go but I just couldn't bring myself to publish them, and then in the end I just gave up.

I've been thinking.

I didn't start this blog to showcase my writing skills, or to establish a huge audience. I started it for me. So I'm back. Back to start again, back to write what I want to write about.

So in the process of starting again I kind of, removed all the posts I had written previously, I didn't really consider that if there is anyone reading this blog I no longer have an introduction to me or the blog or anything.

 

That's okay though. A fresh start is a fresh start.

 

So let me introduce me and this blog I guess.

 

Here we go.
 

I have so much to say without the confidence to say it. That's annoying. I have always been a supporter of the idea that bottling things up inside is the worst thing to do, but despite being aware of how bad I think doing that is, I do it on a daily basis, I have done it for years. A combination of not having anyone to vent to, and not having the confidence to speak up about things results in a pretty huge and full, splitting at the seams kind of bottle.

Hence, the reason I am here. I figure writing things down might be easier, might make me feel better about certain things - might just help clear my mind from time to time. The reason I have chosen a blog to do this is because I have tried a few different ways. Writing in a diary - doesn't work. Writing things down on paper and throwing it away - doesn't work. Plus, its a major waste of paper!
 

To be honest I kind of like the idea of having this tiny little corner of this GIANT room that is the internet just to go to when I have something to say, to spill my feelings out onto, to talk about things that have made me happy, things that have made me sad, what I have been up to, things that I have been through, I don't know. A bit of everything. A place for me to be me, to say what I want to say without having to worry about what someone else might think of me and what I have said. It might be quite therapeutic for me. Hopefully. 

 

For the moment, I have decided to refrain from including my identity. I feel like maybe I am more likely to get the desired effect of what I have written above by keeping this anonymous. I don't know, maybe one day I'll have the confidence to change that, but not right now.

If there was anyone reading my posts before and wondered why I just disappeared. I'm sorry. I hope I kind of answered that in the first part of this post. I'm back now and I am planning on sticking around.
 

Speak soon.
 

H.